‘What a Douchebag! This moron has no business meddling in my affairs.’ This was my first thought when a self-proclaimed ‘know-it-all’ in my office told me how to do my job and how to keep my team in control. The person in question was of the opinion that I ought to be authoritative and insult my team members on a continual basis, instead of being friendly with them and emboldening them.
Managing a team is not easy until you understand everyone on an individual level. Everyone has different moods on different days. Some of the team members like you, some don’t and some conveniently pretend to like you. Some are brutally honest and some are sweet as honey. Some are extremely assiduous and some gossip at the drop of a hat. Handling them and getting work done on time is a task in itself, but to top it all when someone from a different department comes and tells you how to manage your business, it’s infuriating to say the least. It’s almost like your neighbor advising you on how to keep your son in control, when his own has taken off to some remote island in the Caribbean.
So, these meddlers keep popping into my life all the time. Sometimes I feel this happens because I am non-confrontational. And just because I don’t mind anyone else’s business, people think it is their right to mind mine. This started to slowly get on my nerves and in turn started affecting my productivity. I’d spend hours dwelling on a negative comment (sometimes personal). I would often wonder, ‘why is this person so eager to know what I eat, who I meet and how I dress!’ And they in turn wondered how I attended office just a week before my wedding. They were somehow unable to fathom that a woman could place her career over something as crucial as her wedding. I’m sure they would never ask the same question to a man, but that’s another topic for another day. Anyway, this really made me wonder. I knew I had to find a solution. I couldn’t always allow people to step on my toes and play with my head.
I kept awake almost an entire night. Finally in the morning, my conscious bullying mind wore off and the much bigger and wiser subconscious mind took over. Like a Zen monk I sat still, stubbornly deciding not budge till I found an answer. Finally it hit me. The solution was so simple and so obvious. Stay detached and don’t give a damn!
Detachment is the ultimate power. I once read a story about a frog that did not get deterred by criticism and made his way to the top of a hill, only because he was deaf and couldn’t hear a word of what the crowd said. From that day on, the deaf frog became my Guru. I decided to do just what he did. Not paying any heed to what people around me said, because everybody would always have different opinions and views. There was no way I could ever make everyone happy. And I realised, there was no need to either.
‘A happy person is one who does not care what others think or say about him.’ Nobody manages to please everyone. You are bound to rile a few people here and there. Even if the majority likes you, you’ll always find some that will definitively dislike you. Few people have the knack of staying unruffled in such situations. They are fighters and have learnt the art of detachment. They do not let anyone’s opinions affect them or get them down. They are not self-deprecating and value themselves greatly.
When you put mud in a pot of water, the mud slowly sinks to the bottom of the pot and gradually settles there. The water also becomes still. But if someone puts their hand in the pot and stirs the water, the mud settled at the bottom comes up abruptly and makes the entire water muddy. The person who put his hand in wipes his hand and walks off, but it takes a long time for the mud to finally settle down and the shaken water to be still again. In the same way, people will always come and put their hands in your life, shake you up, wipe their hands and just leave. And you will end up being disturbed for a long time. To stop giving people the power to disturb you, practising detachment is the safest bet.
And now when someone asks me why I wear black on most days, how do I respond? Well, I just give them a big smile and say, “Because I FUCKING LIKE IT !!”
Managing a team is not easy until you understand everyone on an individual level. Everyone has different moods on different days. Some of the team members like you, some don’t and some conveniently pretend to like you. Some are brutally honest and some are sweet as honey. Some are extremely assiduous and some gossip at the drop of a hat. Handling them and getting work done on time is a task in itself, but to top it all when someone from a different department comes and tells you how to manage your business, it’s infuriating to say the least. It’s almost like your neighbor advising you on how to keep your son in control, when his own has taken off to some remote island in the Caribbean.
So, these meddlers keep popping into my life all the time. Sometimes I feel this happens because I am non-confrontational. And just because I don’t mind anyone else’s business, people think it is their right to mind mine. This started to slowly get on my nerves and in turn started affecting my productivity. I’d spend hours dwelling on a negative comment (sometimes personal). I would often wonder, ‘why is this person so eager to know what I eat, who I meet and how I dress!’ And they in turn wondered how I attended office just a week before my wedding. They were somehow unable to fathom that a woman could place her career over something as crucial as her wedding. I’m sure they would never ask the same question to a man, but that’s another topic for another day. Anyway, this really made me wonder. I knew I had to find a solution. I couldn’t always allow people to step on my toes and play with my head.
I kept awake almost an entire night. Finally in the morning, my conscious bullying mind wore off and the much bigger and wiser subconscious mind took over. Like a Zen monk I sat still, stubbornly deciding not budge till I found an answer. Finally it hit me. The solution was so simple and so obvious. Stay detached and don’t give a damn!
Detachment is the ultimate power. I once read a story about a frog that did not get deterred by criticism and made his way to the top of a hill, only because he was deaf and couldn’t hear a word of what the crowd said. From that day on, the deaf frog became my Guru. I decided to do just what he did. Not paying any heed to what people around me said, because everybody would always have different opinions and views. There was no way I could ever make everyone happy. And I realised, there was no need to either.
‘A happy person is one who does not care what others think or say about him.’ Nobody manages to please everyone. You are bound to rile a few people here and there. Even if the majority likes you, you’ll always find some that will definitively dislike you. Few people have the knack of staying unruffled in such situations. They are fighters and have learnt the art of detachment. They do not let anyone’s opinions affect them or get them down. They are not self-deprecating and value themselves greatly.
When you put mud in a pot of water, the mud slowly sinks to the bottom of the pot and gradually settles there. The water also becomes still. But if someone puts their hand in the pot and stirs the water, the mud settled at the bottom comes up abruptly and makes the entire water muddy. The person who put his hand in wipes his hand and walks off, but it takes a long time for the mud to finally settle down and the shaken water to be still again. In the same way, people will always come and put their hands in your life, shake you up, wipe their hands and just leave. And you will end up being disturbed for a long time. To stop giving people the power to disturb you, practising detachment is the safest bet.
And now when someone asks me why I wear black on most days, how do I respond? Well, I just give them a big smile and say, “Because I FUCKING LIKE IT !!”
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