No respect for HUSBAND !

“Baap re! Girls these days have no respect for their husbands. In our time, we couldn’t look our husband in the eye, and these girls talk back to their husbands. What has the world come to? This is surely Kalyug!!” my friend’s mother-in-law mumbled while looking in my direction for validation. I sat there wondering what had my friend done to cause so much angst to the most important woman in her husband’s life. She must’ve done something really offensive, I concluded.  

And I was right! She had made a huge blunder. She had committed the cardinal sin of doing what she thought was right. Yes, she gave her opinion on a subject and stood her ground. What right did she have to do such a grave thing? Such bad karma to own up to. She was surely going to burn in hell for speaking her mind.

When I asked her why was she trying to be the Shurpanakha of Kalyug, she just put her hands up in the air and started laughing like a crazy person. Absolutely crazy this girl! How could she use her mind and speak it too? This angered her mother-in-law further and she went on to say, “Look at her, no shame at all. Disrespecting husband and then laughing like a witch. Wow!”

I looked at my friend and gave her an angry glance. That’s when she stopped laughing and put up her hand gesturing me to stop giving her the look. Then she spoke, “Okay so marriage is about equality, right? If yes, then why can’t I have an opinion of my own? When a man disagrees with his wife, why doesn’t anyone tell him not to disrespect her? If it is about equality, why isn’t he coaxed to wear a Mangalsutra and apply Sindoor on his forehead?”

Her mother-in-law who was now fuming, screamed, “BECAUSE HE IS A MAN!”

My friend burst out laughing and said, “Exactly my point.”

Then they kept bickering for a long time and my friend made her point very clear, but her mother-in-law did not budge from her stance. Eventually I decided I had seen too much of the Saas Bahu saga and I took leave. But the episode did not leave my mind. It got me thinking. Who was right in all of this? The stubborn mother-in-law or the liberal daughter-in-law. The answer must’ve seemed very evident but the problem was deeper.

Girls in most Indian families are brought up to believe that the husband has to be revered and respected. If she has an opinion that contradicts his opinion, then she better keep her mouth shut for her opinion is completely worthless. It saddens me deeply to admit that this chauvinistic mindset exists in the 21^st century. The younger generation of women are independent, smart and have a thinking mind. They are not subservient or obedient. They are thinkers and achievers. Why is this so difficult to digest?

The above example of my friend was an eye opener for me. I wondered how many women were being subjected to the same nonsense day in and day out. How many women were being asked to keep their mouths shut in our so called urban, educated families. And how many were still being subtly coaxed to blindly follow old and begotten norms.

Traditions and rules should serve man and not the other way around. When a tradition is nothing but a bondage, it must be done away with. What is the point of following something blindly when it does not even make sense? When a man raises his voice on his wife, he is a man!! But when a woman raises her voice at her husband, she is the ultimate villain. If a woman gives her husband a glass of water after a hard day’s work, it is the seen as the least she could’ve done. But if her husband hands her a glass of water, he is made fun of and called henpecked. What sort of a dualistic mindset is this? If marriage is really about equality, then equality should exist at every level.

All these things are very subtly carried out in a lot of families and they ingrain a very deep but very wrong belief system that the husband is the boss and his word is the final one. Forget society, but if we want to live better lives where our women are respected and cherished, we need to change this mentality. Your daughter-in-law is the one who has left her family to live in yours. She is the one who will bear your grandchildren and give them your family name. She is the one who supports your son financially, emotionally and mentally. The least you can do is treat her as an individual and not as a devotee to your very mortal son.

I dearly hope this scenario changes soon and every married woman reserves the right to keep her maiden name, not wear anything that is against her wishes and give her valuable opinion on any subject without being ridiculed. The day this happens for every single woman, women would celebrate and cherish womanhood.